I be teh ghost of PeinQ

I feel like a ghost that's risen from the dead.

I wonder why -____-;;;

I'm not even sure WHY I stopped coming to AA... Maybe because I got too busy? It slowed my computer down? I forgot?!?!?!

But things have been somewhat hectic lately I suppose. I mean... I guess not as hectic as they COULD be, but as I look back on these last... four months (that's the last time I got a message from Poe, so we can safely assume I haven't been here since Jaunuary) have really flown by me. I mean, my routine is the same every day, wake up at 6, get ready, be bored at school, come home, sleep, and eat in between there if I feel like it. And yet despite the same. monotonous. routine. every. day. things have changed.

Well not CHANGED, but I do feel older, metaphorically speaking. I know I'm four months older than the last time I've been here. But metaphorically... I feel like I'm 90 years old right now.

I've learned a lot about myself in four months too. Stuff like:
**Despite my original thought, I CAN keep a relationship for more than 3 months.
**I'm actually not that bad at writing sonnets.
**I have a backbone, and I know how to use it.

Among others. I'm especially surprised about the backbone one. I always thought I had one, but looking back... I was a pushover. Now if someone pisses me off... Well they know it. And more importantly, I'm not weak enough to subject to violence, coz that's dumb and it'll get me kicked out of school. I'm strong enough to look someone in the eye and tell them to back off. I do indeed feel accomplished.

But... I wish that I could say the same for other people I've seen. In four months, my friends have spiraled down. And one of them brings the rest with her. Another used to text me at all hours of the night, because I'm the only one who'll listen to him.

But for the most part, I've managed to surround myself with people who help keep me up and in a normal mood. Life is hard, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

At any rate I'm sort of back once in a while xDD Sorry for the long-windedness.