by “Hello,” a woman said into the camera. “Today we are live at the scene of the great WOTNOPOLIS cook-off. I’m your reporter Shadowed Glass, hehe. But you can call me SG, yay! This year’s contestants are competing for the chance to win a year’s worth of free ketchup. And there is a lot of competition after that ketchup. Let’s go and meet the contestants.”
“Hi there,” SG waved as she walked over to a table where Q was standing. “Tell us about your cooking, um, team…”
“Hi, I’m Q and I’m the team leader of team Awesomocalypse. That’s because our food is going to be awesome. To the point of ending the world,” Q smiled.
“Yay!” SG said. “So where are your teammates?”
“No one wanted to be on my team, apparently,” Q glared off screen. “Apparently my friends are afraid of adventure and originality.”
“No, we just didn’t want cherry’s on everything like you, you cherry freak,” Bano yelled from across the room.
“I’m not a cherry freak! I’m a cherry enthusiast. Specifically, cherry dipped into a syrup with a hint of carbonation that rolls down your throat like gold over a waterfall. If that waterfall was El Dorado. And the water there was made of gold. That was liquid,” Q explained.
“Oh, are you catching this?” SG said into the camera. “Tensions are already brewing between the teams here. That’s team Nineteen Fingers over there. They’re dishing out some hard core hate on team Awesomocalypse. And we’re catching it live, hehe!”
“Whatever, cherry freak!” Bano yelled. “We’re going to slaughter you. We already have the advantage. A woman in the kitchen.”
Bano fell to the floor from the thwack Yoyo gave him. “Just let your cooking, or in your case Q, your fail do the talking.”
“Q,” SG asked. “Where are the other members of your gang? And is the fact that you guys can’t work together on the same team a sign that the Eagle gang is in trouble?”
“They’re in trouble of losing to me, that’s what they’re in trouble for,” Q laughed. SG said nothing as Q smiled awkwardly at her.
“You know this camera is live, um, so you can’t take that back,” SG said.
“Yeah, but it was hilarious,” Q beamed. “But no, Clair couldn’t decide who to team up with so she just decided to be a judge. And Knssquad is apparently banned from cooking here after an incident where she blew up the competition last year. So she’s just kind of floating about.”
“Got it, thanks Q. And I‘ve been told that there are precautions instilled this year to make sure no bombs go off. The main one was banning Knssquad. Now to check out some of the other competition. Over here we have team Whipping Up A Storm,” SG said as she walked over to the three of them. “So how do you guys know each other?”
“Well,” Dark Raptor said. “One day I was out trying to kill my brother after what he did to our clan when I passed by an authentic whip stand. SSS was there and one thing lead to another. She’s a great cook, I’ve been learning under her for a while now.”
“The trick to cooking is to make it snap,” SSS said as she cracked her whip.
“Wow, hehe,” SG said. “And you, Destinykil?”
“I, Destinykil the great, am a great cook,” Destinykil smiled. “I am just here to make sure Team Whipping Up A Storm destroys all the competition!”
“Well good luck to you guys,” SG smiled. “Now onto team Death?”
“Yes, this is team Death. Stands for Delightful Entity Appetizing The Hunger,” TFK explained as a man quivered behind him. “I make a soul sandwich that will knock your socks off.”
“I’m not wearing socks, hehe,” SG said.
“Yeah,” Punkfilter said. “I like lots of salt on things. I love salt.”
“So you’d say the secret to your food is salt?” SG asked. Punkfilter held up a plate with a pile of salt on it.
“No, I’d say the secret to my salt is to add just the right amount of food,” Punkfilter dropped a chicken nugget on top of the pile of salt. “I call this, salt and a nugget. This is a secret recipe but I can share it with WOTNOPOLIS this once.”
“What do you think, Shugo?” SG asked.
“I think as long as we beat the Eagle gang it’ll be fine,” Shugo agreed and bowed in his pink apron. “I’m really good at stirring things, so my cooking experience is pretty high.”
“What do you think your chances are of winning the competition this year?” SG asked.
“Um, did you just see salt and a nugget or were you blinded by its sheer awesome? I’d say the real question is will they just give us the award for years to come,” TFK and Shugo nodded in agreement.
“Besides,” TFK said. “If they don’t name us the winner we’ll just kill everyone else.”
“Yay!” SG said as she left the laughing team. “Their spirits sure seem high. Its going to be a tough go this year. Tough is tough.”
SG turned to the camera and smiled. “Those are the teams this year. Now the competition is just about to begin.”
Endless stepped up and pointed a firework into the air. Everyone on stage watched as the firework smashed into a gong which was followed by streamers falling from the sky. Birds flew across the stage.
“I am not sure if that’s safe for the food, yay!” Sg said as everyone watched the spectacle.
“Let the cooking begin!” Endless shouted into the crowd before running away.
****
“Okay, where do I begin?” Q thought as he looked around the stage. “Ah, more cherries.”
He dashed off toward the fridge and started scooping them out. “Its not so bad. Just have to make an appetizer, an entrée, and a dessert.”
Q stared at the ingredients, the oven, the chop board, and the many other things around him. “Oh shoot,” Q whispered. “There’s too much to do for one person!”
****
Yoyo could hear Q screaming in the distance and she could feel how little she cared as she tossed her rice into the fryer. “The rice appetizer is going to be deliucious,” Yoyo smiled as she turned toward her teammate.
Bano was laying on the table napping. “Why aren’t you helping!” Yoyo yelled as she threw a knife at Bano. He screamed as he dodged the knife.
“Wow, crazy,” Bano said. “I just thought as a woman in the kitchen you could make this meal, ya know? Especially since our main course is a sandwich. It only seems right, ya know?”
Yoyo glared at Bano and he sighed. “Fine, I’ll make the stupid sandwich.”
****
Sammy sighed. “A woman knows best what to cook,” she thought to herself. She looked at her stove top and threw a sprits of spice on top of it. “Ah, it smells so lovely. Nothing is more elegant than steak. How’s the dessert coming, Destinykil?”
“Great,” Destinykil said. “This fitness dessert is going to be amazing! The healthiest dessert ever. Its made entirely of vegetables.”
“That,” Sam stuttered. “Doesn’t sound dessert-ish at all. Um.”
“Geez, that guy,” Dark Raptor laughed. “Don’t worry. His dessert may be a bust but my potato appetizer will definitely fix this. I already fixed the solar power alignment of it.”
“W-w-what are you making?”
****
“I can’t do it!” Q screamed as he pounded his head into the oven. “There’s too much to do.”
“Yeah, I knew you couldn’t do it,” Q heard a man say behind him. He felt his body cringe as he turned and looked at the man behind him.
“So its you, huh?” Q asked. “What do you want?”
“You can give me attitude,” 5 said as he picked up a bowl. “Or you and I can make the cherry name gold.”
Q smiled. “Tch, I think you suck. But 5-I hope your bitten to death by hornets- if its for cherry coke I know no one will give there all for it quite like you.”
5 laughed as he began stirring a bowl. “Well, Q- I hope your face is melted off in a laser- you at least have a good sense of taste.”
****
Yoyo pulled her rice out of the fryer and dipped it onto a plate. “The rice appetizer is done, how’d the club sandwich go, Bano?”
Yoyo frowned. “You haven’t started, have you?”
Bano scratched the back of his head nervously. “Well, I was just about to, but um.”
“Hm,” Yoyo heard Mikel say. Both of them looked over and saw Mikel boldly standing before them with a knife.
“What?” Yoyo asked nervously as she looked up at the large man with a blade.
“I am sick of hearing Q talk about cherry coke stuff, too. Let’s kick his butt,” Mikel said. “And to get serious I am letting Jan do this.”
“That sentence doesn’t make sense,” Yoyo pointed out.
Bano walked over to Jan and smiled. “Jan, you’re kind of a girl, right?”
“Kinda, teehee! Haha, yeah, haha,” the man laughed as he waved a knife in the air. A nearby bird was stabbed to death from the arm waving.
“So, how about you make the sandwich and I’ll make dessert?” Bano asked. Jan nodded and started chopping up chicken. Yoyo sighed and rolled her eyes.
“At least this way he’s working,” Yoyo said.
****
SSS flicked her wrist out. The rope coiled around a salt shaker and swung it over the platters of food. SSS smiled as the salt spread out over the food and landed. “Oh shoot,” she whispered. “Didn’t get enough on the potatoes.”
“Don’t worry,” Dark Raptor smiled as he set down a screw driver. “The potatoes will be plenty salted when I’m done with them.”
“Of course they will be,” SSS said nervously. She was starting to wonder if her pupil was picking anything up from this. “So have you used your whip yet?”
Dark Raptor looked over at the junior whip SSS had given him and shrugged. “Well, heh, I was going to use it, but then I, um, didn’t.”
SSS snapped her whip near Dark Raptor and laughed. “You’re the one missing out. How’s the dessert coming, Destinykil?”
“Healthy!” Destinykil said as he finished putting broccoli out on a platter.
“Of course it is,” SSS thought. She scanned the tables. Team Awesomocalypse was screwing around it seemed. Team Nineteen Fingers didn’t seem to be doing much better, and team DEATH didn’t even look like it was trying. Although, she was pretty sure TFK was killing someone. “This year’s worth of ketchup looks like its in the bag.”
“Don’t get cocky, miss,” Dark Raptor warned. “I feel a storm coming.”
“Hey, aren’t you supposed to kill your brother?” SSS asked.
“Tch,” Dark Raptor shrugged. “I can get him back for stealing my grandfather’s soul later.”
“I didn’t do that!” Q yelled. “That’s not even a sibling relationship.”
“I’m sorry, I can get him back for betraying soul society later,” Dark Raptor continued.
“Well, yeah, that I did do. But I needed to find the One Piece somehow, fourteenth,” Q answered from across the stage.
“Let’s just skip the very obvious Anime references and get to the answer,” SSS nodded.
“Oh, SSS,” Dark Raptor laughed. “Everyone knows ketchup is far greater than staining your hands with the blood of your brother.”
“You know, that logically makes sense but I have a feeling you’re on another train of logic than me, still,” SSS sighed.
****
“Oh hi there, didn’t see you come in,” Q winked at the camera. “So today we’re going to show you just the right way to prepare a Cherry Lasagna.”
“The key to properly preparing a Cherry Lasagna is the same as all Cherry meals. Ingredients,” Q smiled as he dropped some cherries into a bowl. “Now we’ll stir these up for a moment and just like that, perfect.”
“I’d like to take a moment also to point out the importance of Cherry Lasagna. Most people know how to make this and it’s a staple of traditional meals, but I like to change things up when I make it by-”
SG kicked 5 into the ground and took the camera back. “The camera is not for making your own cooking show, Q. Bad. Bad is bad.”
5 stood up wearily and shook his head. “Dang, I didn’t even get to do my part.”
“I know, what a bummer,” Q sighed. “Oh well. Cherry bread is finished now we just need to finish up the Cherry Lasagna.”
5 watched as Dark Raptor screwed bolts into a potato. Nearby Punkfilter was dumping a bag of salt onto a plate and Shugo was dancing in a pink apron. Yoyo was throwing knives at Bano. “Q-I hope you die in a fire- I can’t help but feel we’re going to win.”
Q smiled and patted 5 on the back. “5-I hope you’re eaten by a giant tiger- not only are we going to win, but I bet we get our own cooking show. The fans just got a taste of it. They’ll surely want more.”
5 nodded. “Plus Q-Drown in a horrible flood- I believe we have a delightful back and forth.”
****
A cop car crashed through a wall. All the chefs looked up as the sirens wailed and lights flashed. “Everyone freeze!” Sg yelled into a speaker. “And give it up for the judges!”
The crowds cheered as Shiro, Titan, and Clair stepped out of the cop car. All three were wearing black robes and marched over to a tall table at the center of the stage. Shiro slammed a gavel into the table. “Food court is now in session,” Shiro said slowly.
“I can’t believe they made you say such an embarrassing line,” Clair laughed.
“Let’s just get this over with,” Shiro sighed.
“You don’t seem to be taking this honor with the joy it requires,” Titan patted Shiro on the back. “This is truly the moment that your grandchildren with KKQ will look back and remember why they were proud of you.”
“M-m-my kids with KKQ? Haha, what are you talking about, Titan? You silly old jester you! I don’t know what you’re talking about, hahahahaha,” Shiro laughed as he waved his arms.
“Ahem,” Q coughed. The group of judges looked at the four teams that were staring at them. “So yeah, no offense, but we’re trying to win some ketchup here, yeah.”
“Fine,” Shiro said. “Yes, let’s get to it. Um, first team to go is team Awesomocalypse.”
Q and 5 set their plates of food down and smiled. “The appetizer judge is going first, I wonder what will happen, yay,” SG smiled into the camera.
Shiro moved the bread toward his mouth. “Wait!” Q yelled as he set a cup down of sauce. “This cherry sauce is there if you need to dip it.”
“Thanks,” Shiro nodded. Shiro began moving the bread toward his mouth again.
“Wait!” Q yelled. “Here’s some cherry coke to wash it down with.”
“Thanks,” Shiro rolled his eyes. He began moving the bread toward his mouth again.
“Wait!” Q yelled. “Shiro, have I mentioned you look rather stunning today?”
“Thanks,” Shiro said as he moved the bread toward his mouth quickly.
“Wai-” Q yelled but was stopped by a knife to his throat.
“Yell again and I’ll kill you,” Yoyo said.
“Friendly competition,” SG cheered.
“No it isn’t. I’m scared,” Q whispered.
“So what do you guys think?” 5 asked.
“Surprisingly good,” Shiro said.
“You all did a wonderful job here,” Clair smiled. Her face had turned green from the cherry lasagna. “I can tell you really tried to think outside the box. I may be sick but I promise its unrelated.”
“I,” Titan started. “Think that the way the texture mixes with the taste creates an unprecedented flavor arrangements that slowly tantalizes and yet fills the soul. However, the flavor clash leaves the taste buds incompletely satisfied.”
“What the heck did she just say?” Q asked.
“Titan is a dessert connoisseur,” Knssquad whispered to Q. “There’s a reason she drives an ice cream truck.”
“Isn’t it to fool children?” Q asked.
“That and because she won it in an ice cream making competition,” Knssquad said. “Or something.”
“Oh hey Knssquad,” Yoyo said as she kept the knife pressed to Q‘s throat. “Glad you could make an appearance to explain this strangeness.”
“Next team is Nineteen Fingers,” Sg announced.
“Boo! You Dr. Pepper lovers suck! Boo! Salt all the way!” Punkfilter jeered.
Shiro stared at the interruption for a moment then shrugged. “Oh, this looks good,” Shiro smiled as he ate some of the fried rice. “Oh, delicious!”
“And here’s a cup of warm tea to wash it down with,” Yoyo winked at Shiro. “You enjoy that.”
“I will!” Shiro said as he sipped the tea.
“Oiy,” Q whispered to Dark Raptor. “That Yoyo plays dirty.”
“Agreed, she’s good,” Dark Raptor said as he put the knife he had pointed at his brother’s neck behind his back.
“This Sandwich is delicious! I um, can tell by the texture, that you really mixed flavors in,” Clair looked hopefully at Titan. Titan nodded. “Definitely there’s a ratio to meat and bread, that um, its good.”
“Thanks! Bwahaha,” Jan laughed. “You eat up! Clairlala. Hahahaha.”
“Looks like Team Nineteen Fingers is going to clean house this round, hehe,” SG summed up.
“So,” Titan stared at the plate that was set before herself. “For dessert you decided to make this?”
“Yep,” Bano nodded.
“Even though its still in the package,” Titan said as she picked up the bag.
“Oh, that, um, that was the only wrapper there was,” Bano stuttered.
Titan opened the bag and emptied Doritos onto the plate. “Uhuh, and so for dessert you made Doritos. Then put them in a Doritos bag?”
“Yeah, that’s what I did.”
Titan stared at Bano. “Next team, please.”
“Nice try, guys,” Clair said. “You really were intuitive and-”
“No, Clair. Just no,” Shiro shook his head.
“Good going there, genius,” Q pointed at Bano.
“Oh shut it, cherry freak,” Bano grumbled.
“Team Whipping Up A Storm,” Shiro announced. “Really? That’s your team name?”
SSS frowned. “I, uh, thought it was witty.”
SSS and the group of three placed their plates down before the judges. “This fitness dessert is one of the best fitness desserts I’ve had in a long time,” Titan smiled. “Who was your master?”
“Oh, you know I am my own master,” Dek laughed.
“This Steak is positively delicious. I can tell you really added a feminine touch to it!” Clair cheered. “Great job.”
SSS smiled and nodded.
“I don’t want to eat this,” Shiro said as he poked the potato appetizer. Wires criss-crossed it. A large red stick was poking out of one side and a glaringly big timer was counting down.
“I, I think this is a bomb,” Shiro stuttered. “I don’t want to eat a bomb.”
“You have only 30 seconds so hurry up!” Dark Raptor hissed.
“Geez, what a poorly made food bomb,” Knssquad scoffed.
“Shut up, terrorist,” Dark Raptor snapped before grinning wickedly. “Now eat the Potato, Shiro.”
“I don’t wanna,” Shiro said as he passed the plate toward Clair.
“Oh, Dark Raptor, nice attempt, but um, no,” Clair said as she passed the plate to Titan.
“You’re the appetizer judge. I don’t nearly have the experience to try this,” Titan said as she passed it back to Shiro.
“Oh screw you guys,” Shiro said.
“Its just a potato platter,” Dark Raptor rolled his eyes. “Man up.”
“Ten….Nine….Eight…” the potato said in a mechanical voice as it counted down.
“That! Potatos don’t do that! This is in no way this is a potato platter! It’s clearly a bomb!” Shiro shouted.
He squinted at everyone. “Hey, have you guys always been that far away?”
“What are you talking about?” Clair yelled. “We’ve always been sitting this far from you.”
“Wait, you were just next to me! What? When?” Shiro asked.
“Three….Two….One…”
“Yay!” SG cheered.
****
“Oh, we’re back on the air!” SG smiled into the camera. “So, hehe, we had some technical difficulties after the potato went off.”
“That was definitely a bomb!” Shiro yelled in agony.
“The winners of the ketchup were surprisingly team DEATH,” SG said. “Though no one expected it! Shiro was in too much pain to try Salt and a Nugget so Clair had to judge for it and the meal. She apparently has been judging every meal she got with a 10 so that gave their team the edge they needed.”
“Oh!” SG laughed. “And apparently the Soul Sandwich was amazing. In fact, TFK made some extras for the losing teams. They’re so good, hehe. Not sure how he makes them. Or where my camera crew went. Oh well, hehe. So it seems that the whole no bomb thing didn‘t work out this year. Oh well. So that concludes the annual WOTNOPOLIS cook-off! See you next year.”
“Hi there,” SG waved as she walked over to a table where Q was standing. “Tell us about your cooking, um, team…”
“Hi, I’m Q and I’m the team leader of team Awesomocalypse. That’s because our food is going to be awesome. To the point of ending the world,” Q smiled.
“Yay!” SG said. “So where are your teammates?”
“No one wanted to be on my team, apparently,” Q glared off screen. “Apparently my friends are afraid of adventure and originality.”
“No, we just didn’t want cherry’s on everything like you, you cherry freak,” Bano yelled from across the room.
“I’m not a cherry freak! I’m a cherry enthusiast. Specifically, cherry dipped into a syrup with a hint of carbonation that rolls down your throat like gold over a waterfall. If that waterfall was El Dorado. And the water there was made of gold. That was liquid,” Q explained.
“Oh, are you catching this?” SG said into the camera. “Tensions are already brewing between the teams here. That’s team Nineteen Fingers over there. They’re dishing out some hard core hate on team Awesomocalypse. And we’re catching it live, hehe!”
“Whatever, cherry freak!” Bano yelled. “We’re going to slaughter you. We already have the advantage. A woman in the kitchen.”
Bano fell to the floor from the thwack Yoyo gave him. “Just let your cooking, or in your case Q, your fail do the talking.”
“Q,” SG asked. “Where are the other members of your gang? And is the fact that you guys can’t work together on the same team a sign that the Eagle gang is in trouble?”
“They’re in trouble of losing to me, that’s what they’re in trouble for,” Q laughed. SG said nothing as Q smiled awkwardly at her.
“You know this camera is live, um, so you can’t take that back,” SG said.
“Yeah, but it was hilarious,” Q beamed. “But no, Clair couldn’t decide who to team up with so she just decided to be a judge. And Knssquad is apparently banned from cooking here after an incident where she blew up the competition last year. So she’s just kind of floating about.”
“Got it, thanks Q. And I‘ve been told that there are precautions instilled this year to make sure no bombs go off. The main one was banning Knssquad. Now to check out some of the other competition. Over here we have team Whipping Up A Storm,” SG said as she walked over to the three of them. “So how do you guys know each other?”
“Well,” Dark Raptor said. “One day I was out trying to kill my brother after what he did to our clan when I passed by an authentic whip stand. SSS was there and one thing lead to another. She’s a great cook, I’ve been learning under her for a while now.”
“The trick to cooking is to make it snap,” SSS said as she cracked her whip.
“Wow, hehe,” SG said. “And you, Destinykil?”
“I, Destinykil the great, am a great cook,” Destinykil smiled. “I am just here to make sure Team Whipping Up A Storm destroys all the competition!”
“Well good luck to you guys,” SG smiled. “Now onto team Death?”
“Yes, this is team Death. Stands for Delightful Entity Appetizing The Hunger,” TFK explained as a man quivered behind him. “I make a soul sandwich that will knock your socks off.”
“I’m not wearing socks, hehe,” SG said.
“Yeah,” Punkfilter said. “I like lots of salt on things. I love salt.”
“So you’d say the secret to your food is salt?” SG asked. Punkfilter held up a plate with a pile of salt on it.
“No, I’d say the secret to my salt is to add just the right amount of food,” Punkfilter dropped a chicken nugget on top of the pile of salt. “I call this, salt and a nugget. This is a secret recipe but I can share it with WOTNOPOLIS this once.”
“What do you think, Shugo?” SG asked.
“I think as long as we beat the Eagle gang it’ll be fine,” Shugo agreed and bowed in his pink apron. “I’m really good at stirring things, so my cooking experience is pretty high.”
“What do you think your chances are of winning the competition this year?” SG asked.
“Um, did you just see salt and a nugget or were you blinded by its sheer awesome? I’d say the real question is will they just give us the award for years to come,” TFK and Shugo nodded in agreement.
“Besides,” TFK said. “If they don’t name us the winner we’ll just kill everyone else.”
“Yay!” SG said as she left the laughing team. “Their spirits sure seem high. Its going to be a tough go this year. Tough is tough.”
SG turned to the camera and smiled. “Those are the teams this year. Now the competition is just about to begin.”
Endless stepped up and pointed a firework into the air. Everyone on stage watched as the firework smashed into a gong which was followed by streamers falling from the sky. Birds flew across the stage.
“I am not sure if that’s safe for the food, yay!” Sg said as everyone watched the spectacle.
“Let the cooking begin!” Endless shouted into the crowd before running away.
****
“Okay, where do I begin?” Q thought as he looked around the stage. “Ah, more cherries.”
He dashed off toward the fridge and started scooping them out. “Its not so bad. Just have to make an appetizer, an entrée, and a dessert.”
Q stared at the ingredients, the oven, the chop board, and the many other things around him. “Oh shoot,” Q whispered. “There’s too much to do for one person!”
****
Yoyo could hear Q screaming in the distance and she could feel how little she cared as she tossed her rice into the fryer. “The rice appetizer is going to be deliucious,” Yoyo smiled as she turned toward her teammate.
Bano was laying on the table napping. “Why aren’t you helping!” Yoyo yelled as she threw a knife at Bano. He screamed as he dodged the knife.
“Wow, crazy,” Bano said. “I just thought as a woman in the kitchen you could make this meal, ya know? Especially since our main course is a sandwich. It only seems right, ya know?”
Yoyo glared at Bano and he sighed. “Fine, I’ll make the stupid sandwich.”
****
Sammy sighed. “A woman knows best what to cook,” she thought to herself. She looked at her stove top and threw a sprits of spice on top of it. “Ah, it smells so lovely. Nothing is more elegant than steak. How’s the dessert coming, Destinykil?”
“Great,” Destinykil said. “This fitness dessert is going to be amazing! The healthiest dessert ever. Its made entirely of vegetables.”
“That,” Sam stuttered. “Doesn’t sound dessert-ish at all. Um.”
“Geez, that guy,” Dark Raptor laughed. “Don’t worry. His dessert may be a bust but my potato appetizer will definitely fix this. I already fixed the solar power alignment of it.”
“W-w-what are you making?”
****
“I can’t do it!” Q screamed as he pounded his head into the oven. “There’s too much to do.”
“Yeah, I knew you couldn’t do it,” Q heard a man say behind him. He felt his body cringe as he turned and looked at the man behind him.
“So its you, huh?” Q asked. “What do you want?”
“You can give me attitude,” 5 said as he picked up a bowl. “Or you and I can make the cherry name gold.”
Q smiled. “Tch, I think you suck. But 5-I hope your bitten to death by hornets- if its for cherry coke I know no one will give there all for it quite like you.”
5 laughed as he began stirring a bowl. “Well, Q- I hope your face is melted off in a laser- you at least have a good sense of taste.”
****
Yoyo pulled her rice out of the fryer and dipped it onto a plate. “The rice appetizer is done, how’d the club sandwich go, Bano?”
Yoyo frowned. “You haven’t started, have you?”
Bano scratched the back of his head nervously. “Well, I was just about to, but um.”
“Hm,” Yoyo heard Mikel say. Both of them looked over and saw Mikel boldly standing before them with a knife.
“What?” Yoyo asked nervously as she looked up at the large man with a blade.
“I am sick of hearing Q talk about cherry coke stuff, too. Let’s kick his butt,” Mikel said. “And to get serious I am letting Jan do this.”
“That sentence doesn’t make sense,” Yoyo pointed out.
Bano walked over to Jan and smiled. “Jan, you’re kind of a girl, right?”
“Kinda, teehee! Haha, yeah, haha,” the man laughed as he waved a knife in the air. A nearby bird was stabbed to death from the arm waving.
“So, how about you make the sandwich and I’ll make dessert?” Bano asked. Jan nodded and started chopping up chicken. Yoyo sighed and rolled her eyes.
“At least this way he’s working,” Yoyo said.
****
SSS flicked her wrist out. The rope coiled around a salt shaker and swung it over the platters of food. SSS smiled as the salt spread out over the food and landed. “Oh shoot,” she whispered. “Didn’t get enough on the potatoes.”
“Don’t worry,” Dark Raptor smiled as he set down a screw driver. “The potatoes will be plenty salted when I’m done with them.”
“Of course they will be,” SSS said nervously. She was starting to wonder if her pupil was picking anything up from this. “So have you used your whip yet?”
Dark Raptor looked over at the junior whip SSS had given him and shrugged. “Well, heh, I was going to use it, but then I, um, didn’t.”
SSS snapped her whip near Dark Raptor and laughed. “You’re the one missing out. How’s the dessert coming, Destinykil?”
“Healthy!” Destinykil said as he finished putting broccoli out on a platter.
“Of course it is,” SSS thought. She scanned the tables. Team Awesomocalypse was screwing around it seemed. Team Nineteen Fingers didn’t seem to be doing much better, and team DEATH didn’t even look like it was trying. Although, she was pretty sure TFK was killing someone. “This year’s worth of ketchup looks like its in the bag.”
“Don’t get cocky, miss,” Dark Raptor warned. “I feel a storm coming.”
“Hey, aren’t you supposed to kill your brother?” SSS asked.
“Tch,” Dark Raptor shrugged. “I can get him back for stealing my grandfather’s soul later.”
“I didn’t do that!” Q yelled. “That’s not even a sibling relationship.”
“I’m sorry, I can get him back for betraying soul society later,” Dark Raptor continued.
“Well, yeah, that I did do. But I needed to find the One Piece somehow, fourteenth,” Q answered from across the stage.
“Let’s just skip the very obvious Anime references and get to the answer,” SSS nodded.
“Oh, SSS,” Dark Raptor laughed. “Everyone knows ketchup is far greater than staining your hands with the blood of your brother.”
“You know, that logically makes sense but I have a feeling you’re on another train of logic than me, still,” SSS sighed.
****
“Oh hi there, didn’t see you come in,” Q winked at the camera. “So today we’re going to show you just the right way to prepare a Cherry Lasagna.”
“The key to properly preparing a Cherry Lasagna is the same as all Cherry meals. Ingredients,” Q smiled as he dropped some cherries into a bowl. “Now we’ll stir these up for a moment and just like that, perfect.”
“I’d like to take a moment also to point out the importance of Cherry Lasagna. Most people know how to make this and it’s a staple of traditional meals, but I like to change things up when I make it by-”
SG kicked 5 into the ground and took the camera back. “The camera is not for making your own cooking show, Q. Bad. Bad is bad.”
5 stood up wearily and shook his head. “Dang, I didn’t even get to do my part.”
“I know, what a bummer,” Q sighed. “Oh well. Cherry bread is finished now we just need to finish up the Cherry Lasagna.”
5 watched as Dark Raptor screwed bolts into a potato. Nearby Punkfilter was dumping a bag of salt onto a plate and Shugo was dancing in a pink apron. Yoyo was throwing knives at Bano. “Q-I hope you die in a fire- I can’t help but feel we’re going to win.”
Q smiled and patted 5 on the back. “5-I hope you’re eaten by a giant tiger- not only are we going to win, but I bet we get our own cooking show. The fans just got a taste of it. They’ll surely want more.”
5 nodded. “Plus Q-Drown in a horrible flood- I believe we have a delightful back and forth.”
****
A cop car crashed through a wall. All the chefs looked up as the sirens wailed and lights flashed. “Everyone freeze!” Sg yelled into a speaker. “And give it up for the judges!”
The crowds cheered as Shiro, Titan, and Clair stepped out of the cop car. All three were wearing black robes and marched over to a tall table at the center of the stage. Shiro slammed a gavel into the table. “Food court is now in session,” Shiro said slowly.
“I can’t believe they made you say such an embarrassing line,” Clair laughed.
“Let’s just get this over with,” Shiro sighed.
“You don’t seem to be taking this honor with the joy it requires,” Titan patted Shiro on the back. “This is truly the moment that your grandchildren with KKQ will look back and remember why they were proud of you.”
“M-m-my kids with KKQ? Haha, what are you talking about, Titan? You silly old jester you! I don’t know what you’re talking about, hahahahaha,” Shiro laughed as he waved his arms.
“Ahem,” Q coughed. The group of judges looked at the four teams that were staring at them. “So yeah, no offense, but we’re trying to win some ketchup here, yeah.”
“Fine,” Shiro said. “Yes, let’s get to it. Um, first team to go is team Awesomocalypse.”
Q and 5 set their plates of food down and smiled. “The appetizer judge is going first, I wonder what will happen, yay,” SG smiled into the camera.
Shiro moved the bread toward his mouth. “Wait!” Q yelled as he set a cup down of sauce. “This cherry sauce is there if you need to dip it.”
“Thanks,” Shiro nodded. Shiro began moving the bread toward his mouth again.
“Wait!” Q yelled. “Here’s some cherry coke to wash it down with.”
“Thanks,” Shiro rolled his eyes. He began moving the bread toward his mouth again.
“Wait!” Q yelled. “Shiro, have I mentioned you look rather stunning today?”
“Thanks,” Shiro said as he moved the bread toward his mouth quickly.
“Wai-” Q yelled but was stopped by a knife to his throat.
“Yell again and I’ll kill you,” Yoyo said.
“Friendly competition,” SG cheered.
“No it isn’t. I’m scared,” Q whispered.
“So what do you guys think?” 5 asked.
“Surprisingly good,” Shiro said.
“You all did a wonderful job here,” Clair smiled. Her face had turned green from the cherry lasagna. “I can tell you really tried to think outside the box. I may be sick but I promise its unrelated.”
“I,” Titan started. “Think that the way the texture mixes with the taste creates an unprecedented flavor arrangements that slowly tantalizes and yet fills the soul. However, the flavor clash leaves the taste buds incompletely satisfied.”
“What the heck did she just say?” Q asked.
“Titan is a dessert connoisseur,” Knssquad whispered to Q. “There’s a reason she drives an ice cream truck.”
“Isn’t it to fool children?” Q asked.
“That and because she won it in an ice cream making competition,” Knssquad said. “Or something.”
“Oh hey Knssquad,” Yoyo said as she kept the knife pressed to Q‘s throat. “Glad you could make an appearance to explain this strangeness.”
“Next team is Nineteen Fingers,” Sg announced.
“Boo! You Dr. Pepper lovers suck! Boo! Salt all the way!” Punkfilter jeered.
Shiro stared at the interruption for a moment then shrugged. “Oh, this looks good,” Shiro smiled as he ate some of the fried rice. “Oh, delicious!”
“And here’s a cup of warm tea to wash it down with,” Yoyo winked at Shiro. “You enjoy that.”
“I will!” Shiro said as he sipped the tea.
“Oiy,” Q whispered to Dark Raptor. “That Yoyo plays dirty.”
“Agreed, she’s good,” Dark Raptor said as he put the knife he had pointed at his brother’s neck behind his back.
“This Sandwich is delicious! I um, can tell by the texture, that you really mixed flavors in,” Clair looked hopefully at Titan. Titan nodded. “Definitely there’s a ratio to meat and bread, that um, its good.”
“Thanks! Bwahaha,” Jan laughed. “You eat up! Clairlala. Hahahaha.”
“Looks like Team Nineteen Fingers is going to clean house this round, hehe,” SG summed up.
“So,” Titan stared at the plate that was set before herself. “For dessert you decided to make this?”
“Yep,” Bano nodded.
“Even though its still in the package,” Titan said as she picked up the bag.
“Oh, that, um, that was the only wrapper there was,” Bano stuttered.
Titan opened the bag and emptied Doritos onto the plate. “Uhuh, and so for dessert you made Doritos. Then put them in a Doritos bag?”
“Yeah, that’s what I did.”
Titan stared at Bano. “Next team, please.”
“Nice try, guys,” Clair said. “You really were intuitive and-”
“No, Clair. Just no,” Shiro shook his head.
“Good going there, genius,” Q pointed at Bano.
“Oh shut it, cherry freak,” Bano grumbled.
“Team Whipping Up A Storm,” Shiro announced. “Really? That’s your team name?”
SSS frowned. “I, uh, thought it was witty.”
SSS and the group of three placed their plates down before the judges. “This fitness dessert is one of the best fitness desserts I’ve had in a long time,” Titan smiled. “Who was your master?”
“Oh, you know I am my own master,” Dek laughed.
“This Steak is positively delicious. I can tell you really added a feminine touch to it!” Clair cheered. “Great job.”
SSS smiled and nodded.
“I don’t want to eat this,” Shiro said as he poked the potato appetizer. Wires criss-crossed it. A large red stick was poking out of one side and a glaringly big timer was counting down.
“I, I think this is a bomb,” Shiro stuttered. “I don’t want to eat a bomb.”
“You have only 30 seconds so hurry up!” Dark Raptor hissed.
“Geez, what a poorly made food bomb,” Knssquad scoffed.
“Shut up, terrorist,” Dark Raptor snapped before grinning wickedly. “Now eat the Potato, Shiro.”
“I don’t wanna,” Shiro said as he passed the plate toward Clair.
“Oh, Dark Raptor, nice attempt, but um, no,” Clair said as she passed the plate to Titan.
“You’re the appetizer judge. I don’t nearly have the experience to try this,” Titan said as she passed it back to Shiro.
“Oh screw you guys,” Shiro said.
“Its just a potato platter,” Dark Raptor rolled his eyes. “Man up.”
“Ten….Nine….Eight…” the potato said in a mechanical voice as it counted down.
“That! Potatos don’t do that! This is in no way this is a potato platter! It’s clearly a bomb!” Shiro shouted.
He squinted at everyone. “Hey, have you guys always been that far away?”
“What are you talking about?” Clair yelled. “We’ve always been sitting this far from you.”
“Wait, you were just next to me! What? When?” Shiro asked.
“Three….Two….One…”
“Yay!” SG cheered.
****
“Oh, we’re back on the air!” SG smiled into the camera. “So, hehe, we had some technical difficulties after the potato went off.”
“That was definitely a bomb!” Shiro yelled in agony.
“The winners of the ketchup were surprisingly team DEATH,” SG said. “Though no one expected it! Shiro was in too much pain to try Salt and a Nugget so Clair had to judge for it and the meal. She apparently has been judging every meal she got with a 10 so that gave their team the edge they needed.”
“Oh!” SG laughed. “And apparently the Soul Sandwich was amazing. In fact, TFK made some extras for the losing teams. They’re so good, hehe. Not sure how he makes them. Or where my camera crew went. Oh well, hehe. So it seems that the whole no bomb thing didn‘t work out this year. Oh well. So that concludes the annual WOTNOPOLIS cook-off! See you next year.”
